Where Am I?

So now we start the month of May. . .and where am I?

I am feeling a little unsure of myself.  I am questioning how genuine I am.  Authentic?  Committed?  Sometimes, I’m not so sure.

I am worrying that I’m not really in any position to help anyone.  And yet there are ones I am called to sit with. . .even this week.  Will I be adequate?

I question whether I am just going through the motions, because on some days I just don’t feel that close to God.  How deep does my faith go?  Would it survive a crisis?

I am chiding myself for not spending more time with God.  I am regretting that I have not kept up with my spiritual disciplines.  Why do I always let them slip?

I feel anxious.  I realize the love God shows me is undeserved. . .and I fear sometimes He might take it away.  I know better, but I still fear.

I wonder why I don’t sleep some nights.

I think I am a mess.

And yet, in the midst of the mess, I can still feel the Spirit’s Peace.  

He tells me these worries and wonderings are okay. . .normal, at least, for me.  The Father is with me in all of them.  I feel close to Him, even though I have all these reasons that I should not.  I feel connected, even though I’m not doing the stuff that I know I should be doing.  I am enjoying. . .

His Grace!

And that makes me happy.

It is a good start to the month of May.