So now we start the month of May. . .and where am I?
I am feeling a little unsure of myself. I am questioning how genuine I am. Authentic? Committed? Sometimes, I’m not so sure.
I am worrying that I’m not really in any position to help anyone. And yet there are ones I am called to sit with. . .even this week. Will I be adequate?
I question whether I am just going through the motions, because on some days I just don’t feel that close to God. How deep does my faith go? Would it survive a crisis?
I am chiding myself for not spending more time with God. I am regretting that I have not kept up with my spiritual disciplines. Why do I always let them slip?
I feel anxious. I realize the love God shows me is undeserved. . .and I fear sometimes He might take it away. I know better, but I still fear.
I wonder why I don’t sleep some nights.
I think I am a mess.
And yet, in the midst of the mess, I can still feel the Spirit’s Peace.
He tells me these worries and wonderings are okay. . .normal, at least, for me. The Father is with me in all of them. I feel close to Him, even though I have all these reasons that I should not. I feel connected, even though I’m not doing the stuff that I know I should be doing. I am enjoying. . .
And that makes me happy.
It is a good start to the month of May.